經典的高中英語幽默笑話

　　冷笑話是近幾年新興的一種語言現象,它輕鬆詼諧、別具一格,給我們緊張的生活增添了幾分輕鬆的情趣,它一出現便受到了大多數人的喜愛。本文是，希望對大家有幫助!

　　：What's Your Name?

　　A guy walked into a pub and immediately noticed a young lady at the bar on her own. After a couple of drinks he decided to offer her a drink and make small talk. She accepted.

　　"What's your name?" he asked her.

　　"Carmen," she replied.

　　"That's a nice name. Did your mother or father name you that?"

　　"Neither. I changed my name when I was eighteen from Sharon to Carmen."

　　"Why did you do that?" he asked.

　　"Well," she explained, "I like men and I like cars, so that is how I got my name. What's your name?"

　　"Beerpussy," the man replied.

　　：The Cocktail Party

　　Three young women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to their position in life and it's clear that they are trying to one-up each other.

　　The first one says, "My husband is taking me to the French Riviera for two weeks on vacation," and then looks at the others with a superior demeanor.

　　The second one says, "Well, my husband just bought me a new Mercedes," and looks about with considerable pride.

　　Number three says, "Well, to be perfectly honest with you, we don't have much money and we don't have any material possessions. However, one thing I can tell you about my husband is that thirteen canaries can stand shoulder to shoulder on his erect penis."

　　After this, the first one looks shamefaced and says, "Girls, I've got a confession to make. I was just trying to impress you. You know that vacation I was telling you about? Well, it's not to the French Riviera, it's to my parents house for two weeks."

　　The second one says, "Your honesty has shamed me. It's not a Mercedes, he bought me a Plymouth."

　　"Well," the third one says, "I also have a confession to make, canary number thirteen has to stand on one leg!"

　　：Don't Lie to Mom

　　John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.

　　Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."

　　About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

　　So he sat down and wrote "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you did take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you did not take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

　　Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you do sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom."

　　Lesson of the day... Don't Lie To Your Mother.

　　：Witty Truck Driver

　　A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." He tries to turn off but, before he knows it, the bridge is right there and he gets stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles.

　　Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck huh?"

　　The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas"

　　：If An OS Was An Airliner

　　UNIX Airways

　　Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

　　Air DOS

　　Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides; then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. They then push again, jump on again, and so on...

　　Mac Airlines

　　All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

　　Windows Air

　　The airport terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.