幽默簡單英語笑話

　　“哪裡有人,哪裡就有笑聲。”從古到今,笑話是人們生活中不可缺少的“調劑品”。笑話使人們在刻板的生活中感到一絲快意和放鬆，在人們的日常生活中起著重要調劑作用。下面小編為大家帶來，希望大家喜歡!

　　1

　　Lan and Fred were boys. They were both twelve years old, and they were in the same class in their school. Last Friday afternoon they had a fight in class, and their teacher was very angry. He said to both of them, “Stay here after the lessons this afternoon, and write your names a thousand times.” After the last lesson, all the other boys went home, but Lan and Fred stayed in the classroom with their teacher and begin writing their names.

　　Then Fred began crying.

　　The teacher looked at him and said,” Why are you crying, Fred?”

　　“Because his name’s Lan May, and mine’s Frederick Hollingsworth,” Fred said.

　　易恩和富雷得都是男孩，他們都十二歲了。他們在學校裡是同班同學。上週五下午他們在學校裡打了一架。為此老師很生氣。老師對他們說：“下午下課後留在著把你們的名字寫一千遍。”

　　最後一節課下課，所有的學生都回家了。只有易恩和富雷得被他們的老師留在教師裡抄寫他們的名字。

　　接著富雷得哭了起來。

　　老師看他問：“富雷得，你為什麼要哭呢?”

　　“因為他的名字是Lan May, 而我的名字確是Frederick Hollingsworth，”富雷得回答道。

　　2

　　One morning a fox sees a cock. He think,“This is my breakfast.”

　　He comes up to the cock and says, “I know you can sing very well. Can you sing for me?” The cock is glad. He closes his eyes and begins to sing. The fox sees that and caches him in his mouth and carries him away.

　　The people in the field see the fox. They cry, “Look, look! The fox is carrying the cock away.” The cock says to the fox, “Mr. Fox, do you understand? The people say you are carrying their cock away. Tell them it is yours. Not theirs.”

　　The fox opens his mouth and says, “The cock is mine, not yours.” Just then the cock runs away from the fox and flies into the tree.

　　一天早上，一隻狐狸看到了一隻公雞。他想：這是我的早餐。

　　他朝公雞走來，對他說：“我知道，你能唱得非常好聽，你能唱給我聽麼?”公雞很高興。他閉上眼睛開始唱歌。狐狸看到這些抓住它放到自己的嘴裡走了。

　　在田地裡的人們看到了狐狸。大喊大叫：“看，看!狐狸抓住公雞逃走了。”公雞對狐狸說：“狐狸先生，你能理解麼?人們認為你叼走了公雞。告訴他們這是你的，不是他們的。”

　　狐狸張開她的嘴說：“公雞是我的，不是你們的。”就在那時，公雞跑到了樹底下。

　　3

　　A film crew was on location deep in the desert.One day an old Indian went up to the director and said,"Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.

　　A week later,the Indian went up to the director and said,"Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.

　　"This Indian is incredible," said the director.He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.

　　However,after several successful predictions,the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.

　　Finally the director sent for him."I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director,"and I'm depending on you.What will the weather be like?"

　　The Indian shrugged his shoulders."Don't know," he said."Radio is broken."

　　一個電影攝製組在沙漠深處工作.一天,一個印度老人到導演跟前告訴導演說"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.

　　一週後,印度人又來告訴導演說,"明天有風暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.

　　"印度人真神,"導演說.他告訴祕書僱傭該印度人來預報天氣.

　　幾次預報都很成功.然後,接下來的兩週,印度人不見了.

　　最後,導演派人去把他叫來了."我明天必須拍一個很大的場景,"導演說,"這得靠你了.明天天氣如何啊?"

　　印度人聳了聳肩."我不知道,"印度人說,"收音機壞了."

　　4

　　A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.

　　For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.

　　In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.

　　"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.

　　"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"

　　有個小村莊正為一隻吃人的獅子而煩惱。於是，村長派人去請偉大的獵手Jonesie來殺死這隻野獸。

　　獵手躺著等了幾個晚上，但獅子一直沒有出現。最後，他要求村長殺只羊然後把頭皮給他。把羊皮披在身上後，獵人到草原上去等獅子。

　　半夜，村民被從草原傳來的聲嘶力竭的尖叫聲驚醒。他們小心地靠近後，看到獵手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。沒有獅子出沒的蛛絲馬跡。

　　“Jonesie，怎麼了?獅子在哪?”村長問。

　　“哪有獅子!”獵人怒吼道，“哪個傻瓜把公牛放出來了?”