高中生的經典英語笑話

　　笑話作為一種城市化的民間口頭創作體裁,是一種重要的交際手段。笑話可能只是文字遊戲,但有時它在人們解決生活中的困惑時起著重要作用。本文是，希望對大家有幫助!

　　：The Perfect Day According To ...

　　SHE 08.45 Wake up to hugs & kisses 09.00 5 pounds lighter on the scales 09.30 Light breakfast 11.00 Sunbathe 12.00 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe 01.30 Shopping 02.30 Run into boyfriend's ex, notice she's gained thirty pounds 03.00 Facial, massageand nap 05.30 Talk with mom on the phone for an hour 07.30 Candlelit dinner for two and dancing 10.00 Make love 11.00 Pillow talk in his big strong arms.

　　HE 10.00 Wake up 10.02 Oral Sex 10.45 Big breakfast 11.30 Drive in Ferrari with gorgeous blonde 02.15 Enormous lunch 03.00 Oral Sex 03.30 Play sport with the guys 04.00 Drink beer with the guys 06.00 Meet Claudia Schiffer 06.10 Oral Sex 08.00 Huge dinner, more beer 11.00 Full on, get down, gorilla sex 11.30 Watch late game from the West Coast

　　：If I Could Talk To The Animals

　　A ventriloquist walked up to an Indian and said "I'll bet I can make your horse talk."

　　Indian: "Horse no talk"

　　Ventriloquist: "Sure watch this. Hi horse. How does you master treat you?"

　　Horse: "Oh, he is good to me. He gives me food, water and he keeps me out of the sun."

　　Ventriloquist: "I'll bet I can make you dog talk."

　　Indian: "Dog no talk."

　　Ventriloquist: "Sure watch this. Dog, how are you? Does your master treat you good?"

　　Dog: "Oh! He treats me good. He gives me food, water and he plays ball with me."

　　Ventriloquist: "I'll bet I can make your sheep talk."

　　Indian: "Sheep Lie! Sheep Lie!"

　　：The Smartest Man In The World

　　One night, a small plane was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie.

　　Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke.

　　The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment. "Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!"

　　With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.

　　Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete and I should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the night.

　　Bill Gates rose and said, "Gentlemen, I am the world's smartest man. The world needs smart men. I think the world's smartest man should have a parachute, too." He grabbed one, and out he jumped.

　　The Dali Lama and the hippie looked at one another. Finally, the Dali Lama spoke. "My son," he said, "I have lived a satisfying life and have known the bliss of True Enlightenment. You have your life ahead of you; you take a parachute, and I will go down with the plane."

　　The hippie smiled slowly and said, "Hey, don't worry, your holiness. The world's smartest man just jumped out wearing my backpack."

　　：Farmer's Wife

　　So one night, the farmer gets drunk. He grabs his wife's tits and says, "If these could give milk, we could get rid of the cows."

　　He grabs her butt and says, "If this could give eggs, we could get rid of the chickens."

　　The wife grabs the farmer's dick and says, "And if this stayed hard, we could get rid of your brother."

　　：He's going to be...

　　One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. What he did was, he went into the boy's room and placed on his study table these three objects: A Bible, a silver dollar, and a bottle of whiskey.

　　"Now then," the old preacher said to himself, "I'll just hide behind the door here, and when my son comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which of these three objects he picks up. If he picks up the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be.

　　If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be o.k. too.

　　But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a drunkard - a no-good drunkard and Lord, what a shame that would be."

　　The old man was anxious as he waited, and soon he heard his son's footsteps as he came into the house whistling and headed back to his room. He deposited his books on the bed, as a matter of routine, and as he turned around to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With a curious set in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. What he finally did was, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink...

　　"Lord have mercy," the old man whispered, "He's gonna be a politician