適合初中學生的英語笑話

　　從古到今,笑話是人們生活中不可缺少的 調劑品 ,它使人們在刻板的生活中感到一絲快意和放鬆。本文是，希望對大家有幫助!

　　篇一

　　Women

　　A Sikh, an Italian & a Frenchman were drinking in a pub when the subject of

　　WOMAN came up in their conversation.

　　The Italian said, in Italy we treat the woman like a guitar. We press the top & tickle the bottom.

　　The Frenchman said, in France, we treat the woman like cognac. We smell first & then lick slowly. What about the woman in your country,

　　Mr Singh?

　　The Italian asked.

　　In our country, we treat the woman like a record. First we play the front &/when we finish, we flip it over & play the back.

　　篇二

　　Bill Gates

　　Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by God

　　"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something

　　I've never done before; in your case, I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."

　　Bill replied, " Well, what's the difference between the two?"

　　God said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."

　　"Fine, but where should I go first?"

　　"I'll leave that up to you."

　　"Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."

　　So Bill went to Hell.

　　It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.

　　"This is great!" he told God. "If this is hell, I REALLY want to see heaven!"

　　"Fine," said God, and off they went. Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.

　　Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision.

　　"Hmmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told God. "Fine," retorted God, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons.

　　"How's everything going?" he asked Bill.

　　Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment,

　　"this is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beaches, the beautiful women playing in the water????! "That was the SCREENSAVER," replied God.

　　篇三

　　Coincidence

　　A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a triple martini. The bartender says "What a coincidence, the only other person at the bar is that beautiful woman at the other end. She is also drinking triple martinis".

　　After a few sips of his drink, the man walks up to the woman and says, "Isn't it a coincidence that we are both having the same drink".

　　She replies "Yes! I am here because I am celebrating. After 20 years of trying I am finally pregnant!"

　　"What a coincidence" the man replied. "I am also celebrating.

　　After years of experimenting, I have invented a multicolored chicken. At this, the woman asked "How did you ever accomplish that!?".

　　"I had to try a lot of different cocks" he said. The woman replied

　　"What a coincidence!!!!"

　　篇四

　　son-in-law

　　A 60 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old daughter playing with a vibrator. "What are you doing?" asked the mother.

　　"Mom, I'm 40 years old, and look at me. I'm ugly. I'll never get married so this is pretty much my husband." The mother walked out of the room shaking her head.

　　The next day, the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom. Upon entering the room, he found his daughter using the vibrator.

　　"What the hell are you doing he asked.

　　His daughter replied, "I already told mom. I'm 40 years old now and I'm ugly. I will never get married so this is as close as I'll ever get to a husband." The father walked out of the room shaking his head.

　　The next day, the mother came home and found her husband with a beer in one hand and the vibrator in the other watching the football game on

　　TV. "What on Earth are you doing?" she cried.

　　The husband replied, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a beer and watching the football game with my son-in-law!!"