有關經典幽默英語笑話

　　冷笑話是近幾年新興的一種語言現象,它輕鬆詼諧、別具一格,給我們緊張的生活增添了幾分輕鬆的情趣,它一出現便受到了大多數人的喜愛。小編分享，希望可以幫助大家!

　　：Panda

　　A panda walks into a pub and sits down for a drink. While he's downing his pint, he looks across and sees a beautiful woman at the end of the bar, so he pulls up a stool next to her. They talk for awhile and hit it off.

　　Then the panda says," God, I could go for a bite to eat," and the woman says she will buy him a meal. Back at her place after the fulfilling meal, one thing leads to another, and the panda ends up having sex with the woman.

　　In the morning as the panda is about to leave, the woman says to him, "Hey wait a sec, I'm a prostitute." Seeing the baffled expression on the Panda's face she tells him to look it up in the dictionary.

　　So the Panda looks up "prostitute," and the definition says, "Takes money for sex."

　　After reading this, the panda relaxes and says, "That's all right because I'm a panda."

　　The woman, confused, looks up "panda" in the dictionary and reads the definition: "Eats shoots and leaves."

　　：The Parrot

　　A young newly married couple inherited a parrot from an aged relative. This parrot was very talkative, and was forever informing visitors as to what went on in the newlyweds' home. One evening, after a very embarrassing comment from the bird, the husband had enough and said to the parrot, "That's it! You will be covered up much earlier in the future, and if you take your cage cover off or embarrass us again, you will be sent to the zoo."

　　Two days later, the couple was preparing for a short trip, and as usual, the suitcase was too full to close. So the husband said, "I'll get on top and jump up and down and you see if you can get it."

　　After a bit, the wife said, "This is no good. I'll get on top and you see if you can get it."

　　This still did not work, and so the husband said, "Tell you what, let's both get on top and bounce up and down. That'll get it."

　　With this, the parrot pulled off the cage cover and said, "Zoo or no zoo, this I have got to see."

　　：Like a Straw

　　There were these two not so bright guys who had to get across the desert. Since they didn't have enough money for a car they decided to buy a camel.

　　The camel dealer promised them that the camel would get them across the desert if they made sure he was full of water before they left. They took the camel down to the water hole, but the camel would not drink. So finally the first guy says: "I have an idea, why don't I hold his head down in the water and you suck on his butt. That way the water will be drawn up into him like a straw." The second gut thought about this for a while and finally agreed.

　　After a while the first guy asks "Well is it working?"

　　The second guy replied "I think it is going to work, but you have to pick his head up just a little because I'm just getting mud."

　　：Gorilla In a Tree

　　As he was quietly watching television at home, the chap heard a sound on the roof of his house and rushed out to investigate. Seeing it was a fair-sized gorilla tearing the shingles off his home, he promptly called up the local zoo authorities to inform them one of their animals had escaped. He was reassured that a gorilla recovering units was on the way and to remain calm.

　　A few minutes later, an old beat up truck, displaying the Gorilla recovery unit logo on its panels, pulled up to the house. The elderly driver proceeds to recover from the back of the truck, a chiwawa dog, a pair of handcuffs, a ladder, a baseball bat, and a 12-gauge shotgun. Puzzled on how this lone elderly was to solve the problem of this gorilla that had by now torn half the roof apart, the chap asked him how he would go about doing this. As he handed him over the 12-gauge shotgun, the zoo employee explained the plan:

　　"First I'll climb up there with the ladder. Then I'll approach the gorilla and knock him off the roof using the baseball bat. As soon as the gorilla hits the ground, the specially trained chiwawa will attack its private parts. When I get back on the ground, the gorilla will have lowered its hands to its groin area to protect itself thus making it easy for me to slip on the handcuffs. Then, I lead him to the truck, lock him up and take him back to the zoo..."

　　Amazed at the procedure, the somewhat startled house owner asked why he was handed the 12-gauge shotgun?

　　"Well," explained the experienced gorilla retriever, "It's just a precaution should things not go exactly as planned. In the unlikely event that once on the roof the gorilla knocks me off with the baseball, shoot the dog."