關於英國英文笑話閱讀

　　笑話是民族文化不可或缺的一部分。透過笑話我們可以看到一個民族的生存環境、生活方式、社會關係和心理特徵等等。小編分享關於英國英文笑話，希望可以幫助大家!

　　關於英國英文笑話：Who's Penis Is it?

　　Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball,

　　suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over

　　his head and passes the three women.

　　He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis. "He's not my

　　husband," she says.

　　He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his penis.

　　"He's not my husband either." She says, also not recognizing the unit.

　　He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her.

　　"Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club."

　　關於英國英文笑話：Cat Food

　　A very traditional elderly woman was enjoying a good game of bridge with her girlfriends one evening. "Oh, no! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He's going to really ticked if it's not ready on time!" she exclaimed suddenly.

　　When she got home, she realized that she didn't have enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she had in the cupboard was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband pulled up.

　　She greeted her husband and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner. To her surprise, the husband really enjoyed his dinner. "Darling, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day."

　　Needless to say, every bridge night from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish. She told her bridge cronies about it and they were all horrified.

　　"You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed.

　　Two months later, her husband died.

　　The women were sitting around the table playing bridge when one of the cronies said, "You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?"

　　The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him. He fell off the mantel while he was cleaning himself."

　　關於英國英文笑話：Saying the Right Thing

　　Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and

　　notices a note on the table.

　　"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you."

　　So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

　　His son says, "Well, you came home after

　　3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you

　　stumbled into the door."

　　Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

　　His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you aid, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!".

　　關於英國英文笑話：Silver Jubilee

　　Banta and Preeto decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Mumbai. When they entered the hotel and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. Banta brushed her off."

　　Preeto objected, "That young woman was nice, and you were so rude."

　　"Preeto, she`s a prostitute."

　　"I don`t believe you. That sweet young thing?"

　　"Let`s go up to our room and I`ll prove it."

　　In their room, Banta called down to the desk and asked for that girl to come to room 326.

　　"Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, OK?"

　　Soon, there was a knock on the door. Banta opened it and girl walked in, swirling herhips provocatively.

　　Banta asked, "How much do you charge?"

　　"Ten thousand basic rate, three thousand tips for special services."

　　Even Banta was taken aback. "Ten thousand !! I was thinking more in the range of two thousand." Girl laughed derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price."

　　"Well," said Banta, "I guess we can`t do business. Goodbye."

　　After she left, Preeto came out of the bathroom. She said, "I just can`t believe it!"

　　Banta said, "Let`s forget it. We`ll go have a drink, then eat dinner."

　　At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, that girl came up behind Banta, pointedslyly at Preeto, and said, "See what you get for two thousand !"

　　關於英國英文笑話：Nude Drive

　　A young couple is out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles an hour, will you take off your clothes?"

　　She agrees and he begins to speed up. When the spedometer hits 100 she starts to strip. When she gets all her clothes off he is so busy staring at her that he drives off the road and flipsthe car. The girl is thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car. "Go get help.", he pleads.

　　She replies, "I can't, I'm naked."

　　He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says "Cover your snatch with that and go get help."

　　She takes the shoe, covers herself, and runs to the gas station down the road. When she arrives she is frantic and yells to the attendant, "HELP! HELP! My boyfriend's stuck!"

　　The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her crotch and replies, "I'm sorry Miss. He's too far in."