關於簡單的英語笑話欣賞

　　交際場合,能恰到好處地講個笑話或自創一個幽默,不僅可以體現自己的語言水平,還可以提升個人魅力。小編精心收集了關於簡單的英語笑話，供大家欣賞學習!

　　關於簡單的英語笑話：Blonde Robbery

　　A red-head, a brunette and a blonde perform a Post Office robbery. They are on the run from the police and they have to ditch their car and go cross country.

　　They are all getting tired and happen across an old farm with a huge barn. Sneaking inside the barn, they see three old flour sacks. They all hide in separate sacks.

　　The police enter the barn and upon seeing the sacks, kick the first one containing the redhead. The redhead says "Woof!".

　　"Nothing in here but a dog sarge" says the constable. "We'd better move on".

　　They kick the sack containing the brunette. "Miaow!" she says.

　　"Nothing in here but a cat, sarge. Better move on".

　　They kick the sack containing the blonde and the blonde says "Potatoes!"

　　關於簡單的英語笑話： Learning The ABCs

　　Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very scared of doing them in front of the class. The teacher, though, told him that the best way to conquer his fears would be to just go ahead and do it. So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began. "ABCDEFGHIJLKMNOQRSTUVWXYZ.""Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P? "It's running down my leg."

　　關於簡單的英語笑話： Very Helpful Advice

　　Tape a chocolate bar to the outside of your microwave. If the chocolate melts you will know that the microwaves are escaping and it is time to have the oven serviced.

　　A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

　　Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

　　Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment always circle the stain in permanent ink pen so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.

　　Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.

　　Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.

　　High blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

　　Olympic athletes. Conceal the fact that you have taken performance enhancing drugs by simply running a little slower and letting someone else win.

　　Heavy smokers: Don't throw away those filters from the end of your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to insulate your ceiling.

　　Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your chin in a bowl of iron fillings.

　　X File fans: Create the effect of being abducted by aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You'll invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning, having had your memory mysteriously 'erased'.

　　A sheet of sandpaper makes a cheap and effective substitute for costly maps when visiting the Sahara desert.

　　關於簡單的英語笑話：Casual Nightmare

　　After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over,pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

　　"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matche sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said,nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly,the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."

　　關於簡單的英語笑話：The Devil's Offer

　　The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell foreternity."

　　The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.