超爆笑的簡短英文笑話

　　冷笑話是近年來頗為流行的一種語言現象,主要以機智、幽默著稱。下面是小編帶來的，歡迎閱讀!

　　篇一

　　A Special Guest 特別來賓

　　A lawyer finds himself at the Pearly Gates at the same time as the pope. Both men are allowed to enter heaven, and the lawyer is ensconced in a magnificent mansion. But he sees that the pope is housed in a far more humble dwelling. Unable to restrain his curiosity, the lawyer asks St. Peter about it.

　　一位律師發現他和某教宗一起到達天堂的珍珠門，兩個人都被允許進入天堂。律師被安置在一間豪華的別墅，但他卻見到教宗被安排住在非常簡陋的住所。由於好奇心的驅使，律師問聖彼得其中原委。

　　“Well, you see,” replies St. Peter, “we have dozens of popes up here, but we’ve never had a lawyer before.”

　　“哦，你看我們這裡有好幾十位教宗，可是你卻是第一個上天堂的律師呢!”聖彼得答道。

　　篇二

　　Jee Talk about Luck! 好運跟著保險來

　　“For the last time, I don’t want any insurance!” said the harassed householder to the salesman.

　　“這是最後一次了，我不要買任何保險!”被騷擾的房主對推銷員說道。

　　“Just a moment, sir. Please consider this: Just last month I sold a policy to a man much like yourself. The very next day his house caught fire. The house was completely gutted. To save himself, he had to leap from an upstairs window; he landed on his own car, went through the roof, broke both his legs and an arm.”

　　“等一會兒，先生，請您仔細考慮一下：上個月有一位先生長得跟你很像，他剛買了一份保險，隔天他家就著火，房子內部全都被燒燬，為了保住性命，他從樓上窗戶跳下來，恰巧落在他的汽車上，穿過車頂，他摔斷了兩條腿和一隻手臂。”

　　“Well, he was one of the lucky ones, wasn’t he?”

　　“喔!他就是你所說的幸運人士中的一個，不是嗎?”

　　篇三

　　Thanks a Lot Sarge 多謝了，班長

　　The sergeant had just completed the morning inspection of the troops.

　　一位班長剛完成部隊晨間檢查。

　　“Before I dismiss you, there’s just one announcement. Private Kowalski, your mother is dead. Dismissed.”

　　“解散之前，有件事要宣佈一下，二等兵卡瓦斯基，你母親已經過 世了。解 散!”

　　The soldier was devastated, of course, and the lieutenant was appalled at the sergeant’s heartlessness.

　　當然，那位士兵遭受很大的打擊，而排長也訝異於班長的冷酷無情。

　　“For Heaven’s sake, sergeant, next time you have to inform a trooper of a loved one’s demise, please be a little more subtle,” he said.

　　“看在老天的分上，班長，下次你要告訴弟兄們有親人死亡時，請多用點技巧，委婉一些，”排長說道。

　　A few weeks later, sorry to say, the sergeant had another opportunity. Lining up his troops, he ordered, “All of you whose mother is still alive, step forward. Not you, Johnson.”

　　幾個禮拜之後，很不幸那位班長又有一次機會。集合了部隊，他下 令道“：所有媽媽尚健在的，前進一步。你，約翰遜，除外。”

　　篇四

　　all’s well that ends well 結局好的就是好

　　three rather deaf friends met on a street corner.

　　三個重聽很嚴重的朋友在街角碰面。

　　“windy today, isn’t it?” said the first.

　　“今天風好大，不是嗎?”第一個說。

　　“no, it’s thursday,” said the second.

　　“不，今天是禮拜四，”第二個說。

　　“me too; let’s go get a drink,” said the third.

　　“我也很渴，走，我們去喝杯飲料，”第三個說道。

　　篇五

　　And you Think You’ve Got Problems 你認為你有問題嗎?

　　“Boy, have I got problems!” the man said to the psychiatrist.

　　“乖乖，我真的有毛病了!”一位老兄對精神病醫生說道。

　　“Go ahead and tell me about them.”

　　“繼續說，告訴我你的問題。”

　　“Well, to start with, I’ve got an estate in the country, three Mercedes and a luxury yacht.”

　　“喔，是這樣的，我在鄉下有房地產，另外還有三輛賓士和一艘豪華遊艇。”

　　“So,what’s the problem?”

　　“問題在哪裡呢?”

　　“I’m only make $100 a week! ”

　　“我一星期只賺一百塊美金!”

　　篇六

　　Now That Hurts! 我的牙齒好痛喔!

　　The world’s cheapest man finally went to the dentist to have his teeth fixed.

　　一個非常吝嗇的守財奴終於去牙科看牙齒。

　　“Well, sir,” said the dentist, “I’m afraid you’ve waited too long to get these teeth attended to. They’ll all have to come out.”

　　“先生，”牙醫說道“，恐怕你拖得太久了，這些牙齒都要拔掉才行。”

　　“How much will that cost?” inquired the skinflint.

　　“那得花多少錢?”小氣鬼問醫生。

　　“A thousand dollars.”

　　“一千塊美金。”

　　“Here’s a hundred,” said the tightwad. “Just loosen them up a bit.”

　　“這裡是一百塊，”吝嗇鬼說“。只要稍微把它們鬆動一點就好了!”