高中英語幽默笑話故事

　　民間笑話是一種頗受人們喜愛的民間敘事型別,材料豐富,有廣泛的現實基礎。但是它卻一直被學界視為不登大雅之堂的小眾。小編分享，希望可以幫助大家!

　　：Cia Training

　　The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

　　'We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!'

　　The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job.'

　　The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.'

　　The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'

　　Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. Then the agents heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, 'This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.'

　　：Husband Went Fishing

　　One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake,paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual. It was cold and raining, so he decided to return back to his house. He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. "What terrible weather today honey," he said to her. "Yes. And my idiothusband went fishing!" she replied.

　　：An Act Of Charity

　　One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out threehymns.

　　After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had contributed a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation, and said he'd like to personally thank the person who had placed the money in the plate.

　　A very quiet, elderly, saintly widow shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and asked her to pick out three hymns.

　　Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."

　　：Welfare Office

　　A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids... "WOW," the social worker exclaims, "Are they ALL YOURS???" "Yep they are all mine," the flustered mumma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy. All the children rush to find seats.

　　"Well," says the social worker, then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names."

　　"This one's my oldest - he is Leroy." "OK, and who's this one?" Well, this one he is Leroy, also." The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!

　　"All right..." says the caseworker, "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?" Their Momma replied, "Well, yes - it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I just yell 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all come a runnin.' An 'if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."

　　The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?" "Ah, that's so easy," said the momma. "Then I calls them by their last names."

　　：No Hands

　　A man walks into a bathroom. As he approaches the stalls he notices a man standingthere with no arms.

　　The armless man replies,"Could you help me unzip my pants?"

　　Fealing sorry for the man he does.

　　Then the man replies,"Could you help me pull it out?"

　　The man begins to pull it out as he notices the man's package to be in awful sape. The man's dick is wrickled, red, and full of lumps.

　　The armless man says,"Could you hold it up for me?"

　　The man, feeling a little queasy, decides as a good citizen he must help the handicap man.

　　Both men walk out the stalls when the armless man pulls his hands out of his sleeves revealing his full hands.

　　The helpful man then replies,"Hey, sir, if you had hands why'd you make me help you in the bathroom?"

　　The phony handicap then replies,"You saw my package, I sure the hell didn't want to touch it."