關於簡單的英語笑話短文

　　冷笑話作為一種新興的語言現象，越來越受到大家的關注，尤其在網路、雜誌、微博、電影上十分盛行。小編精心收集了，供大家欣賞學習!

　　：寄給上帝的信

　　一個小男孩非常想要一百美元買一輛自行車，但是祈禱了兩個星期也沒有結果。於是，他決定給上帝寫一封信要這一百美元。當郵局收到這封收信人為“美國，上帝”的信後，他們決定把它寄給美國總統。總統很重視，也很感動。他命令他的祕書寄給個小男孩五美元紙鈔。總統認為這對於一個小男孩來說應該是一筆大錢了。這個小男孩收到這五美元后非常高興，又坐下來給上帝寫了一封感謝信，信中寫道:

　　A little boy wanted one hundred dollar for a bicycle very badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the money. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA，they decided to send it to the president. The President was so impressed，touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a five bill. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted wish the five-dollar bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord, which read:

　　親愛的上帝:

　　Dear Lord，

　　非常感謝你寄給我的錢。可是我發現，由於某種原因您通過華盛頓寄給我的錢，像往常一樣，那些奇怪的人扣走了九十五美元。

　　Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted ninety-five dollars.

　　羅傑

　　Love,Roger

　　：金色的酒吧

　　One night, a man comes home slightly drunk and his wife *** who is suspecting he’s cheating on her*** questions his whereabouts…

　　一天深夜，一個男人稍有醉意回到家中。他的妻子問他去哪了***她有些懷疑他的話***。

　　Wife: "Where were you?"

　　妻子:“你去哪了?”

　　Man: "I was at this new bar called the Golden Bar. Everything is golden.”

　　丈夫:“我去了一個叫金色酒吧的新開張的酒吧。裡面的一切都是金的。”

　　Wife: "Sure you were. There' s no such place”

　　妻子:“你真去了嗎? 根本沒有這種地方!”

　　Man: "There is! They have huge golden doors, a golden floors, and even golden urinals !”

　　丈夫:“有!那裡有一扇大金門，金地板和金的便池!”

　　Wife: "Oh, I BELEIVE you 100%.”

　　妻子:‘好，就算我惻言你!”

　　So, the next day the wife looks through the phone book for this golden bar. She’s surprised when she finds a Golden Bar located across town. She decides to call up and check this out for herself…

　　第二天，他的妻子在電話號碼簿裡查金色酒吧的電話。使她吃驚的是金色酒吧就在他們住的小鎮的另一頭。她決定打電話過去證實一下她丈夫的話。

　　Wife: "Is this the Golden Bar?"

　　妻子:“這裡是金色酒吧嗎?”

　　Bartender: "Yes it is.”

　　酒吧服務員:“是的，金色酒吧。”

　　Wife: "Do you have huge golden doors? "

　　妻子:“你們那裡是不是有一扇金色大門?”

　　Bartender: "Yes we do…”

　　酒吧服務員:“是的，我們有......”

　　Wife: "Do you have golden floors?"

　　妻子:“你們的地板也是金色的?”

　　Bartender; "We have them, too…”

　　酒吧服務員:“是的，這也對……”

　　Wife: "What about golden urinals?"

　　妻子:“那有沒有金色便池?”

　　Bartender*** speaking away from phone***:"Hey Max，I think we have a lead on the guy that fouled your alto-sax.”

　　酒吧服務員在電話那頭問:“嘿，馬克斯，我認為那天有人往你的高音薩克斯裡小便的事有線索了。”

　　：講出故事的結尾

　　The woman had been away for two days visiting a sick friend in another city. When she returned，her little boy greeted her by saying, "Mommy, guess what! Yesterday I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the room with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into your bed and them…”

　　一個女人離開家兩天，到另一個城市去看望一個生病的朋友。當她回來的時候，她的小兒子見到她就說:“媽媽，你猜怎麼著?昨天我在你臥室的衣櫃裡玩，爸爸和隔壁的阿姨走進了臥室，他們脫了衣服上了你的床……”

　　Sonny’s mother held up her hand. "Not another word. Wait till your father comes home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you’ve just told me. " The father came home. As he walked into the house，his wife said，"I' m leaving you. I' m packing now and I' m leaving you.”

　　媽媽抓住他的手說:“不要講了，等到你爸爸回家了，你就把和我講的全部講給他聽。”孩子的爸爸回來了。當他走近房間的時候他的妻子說:“我要離開你。我現在就收拾好行李，我要走了。”

　　"But why--"asked the startled father.

　　“但是，這是為什麼?”他吃驚地問。

　　"Go ahead，Sonny. Tell Daddy just what you told me.”

　　“講給他聽，兒子，把你告訴我的講給他聽聽。”

　　"Well,”Sonny said，"I was playing in your bedroom closet and Daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and got into bed and then they did just what you did with Uncle John when Daddy was away last summer.”

　　“好吧，”那個小傢伙說，“我正在你臥室的衣櫃裡玩的時候，爸爸和隔壁的阿姨上樓來，然後他們脫了衣服上了床。然後，他們就像是去年夏天爸爸不在家時你和約翰叔叔一樣。”