英語幽默的小笑話精選

　　由於戲說《論語》的笑話在戲曲、小說中的大量存在,使其又具有了一定的文學價值。下面是小編帶來的英語幽默的小笑話，歡迎閱讀!

　　***一***

　　蝸牛買跑車snail and car

　　There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"

　　曾經有隻蝸牛，它對自己動作慢的名聲感到了厭惡和疲倦。他決心去弄些跑得飛快的輪子來改變這種境況。逛了一圈之後，它決定買Datson 240-Z。他去了最近的Datsun經銷店，去買Datson 240-Z，但是它想把這輛車重新刷漆，改稱240-S。　　經銷商問：“為什麼是S呢?”　　蝸牛回答說：“‘s’代表蝸牛。我想讓每一個看見我呼嘯而過的人知道是誰在開車。”　　經銷商不想失去把汽車賣給蝸牛這樣一個機會，所以他同意收取些許費用，把車重新塗漆。　　蝸牛開著它的新車，把自己的餘生都用在了快樂地高速行使在告訴公路上。而不論何時任何人看見它飛馳而過的時候，都會說：“哦!看那S-car 。”

　　***二***

　　死後重生Life After Death

　　Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

　　“你相信人死後仍有生命嗎?”老闆問他的一個員工。

　　"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.

　　“是的，先生。”這個新員工回答說。

　　"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterdayto go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you.

　　“哦，那麼，這樣說來一切就很正常了，”老闆繼續說，“在你今早離開，去參加***葬禮，她來看你了。”

　　英語幽默的小笑話閱讀

　　***一***

　　兩個超級大笨賊

　　Very stupid robbersTwo robbers were robbing a hotel. The first robber said, "I hear sirens.Jump!"

　　兩個盜賊在一家旅館偷東西。第一個說：“我聽到警報響了，快跳吧!”

　　The second one said, "But we're on the 13 th floor!"The first one screamed back, "This is notime to be superstitious!"

　　第二個說：“但是我們現在在第13層啊!”第一個尖叫著回敬他：“都什麼時候了，還這麼迷信!”

　　***二***

　　買房子的優缺點

　　Good Points and Bad Points

　　優缺點

　　"This house," said the real-estate salesman, "has both its good points and bad points. To showyou I'm honest, I'm goint to tell you about the disadvantage - there is a chemical plant oneblock south and a slaughterhouse one block north."

　　“這幢房子，”房地產推銷商說，“既有優點也有缺點。為了說明我是誠實的，我將告訴你們它的缺點：往南面一個街區是一家化工廠，往北面一個街區是一家屠宰場。”

　　"What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer.

　　“那麼它的長處呢?”預備購買房子的人問道。

　　"The good thing about it," said the agent, "is that you can always tell which way the wind isblowing."

　　“它的好處，”代理商說道，“就是，你總能分清風是從哪邊吹過來的。”

　　關於英語幽默的小笑話

　　***一***

　　請朋友吃飯 Friend for Dinner

　　Honey, said the husband to his wife, I invited a friend home for supper.

　　“親愛的，”丈夫對妻子說：“我邀請了一位朋友回家吃晚飯。”

　　What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I havent been shopping, all the dishes are dirty,and I dont feel like cooking a fancy meal!

　　“什麼?你瘋了嗎?我們的房子亂糟糟的，我很久沒有買過東西回來了，所有的碗碟都是髒的，還有，我可不想做一餐累死人的晚飯。”

　　I know all that.

　　“這些我全都知道。”

　　Then why did you invite a friend for supper?

　　“那你為什麼還要邀請朋友回來吃晚飯?”

　　Because the poor fools thinking about getting married.

　　“因為那個可憐的笨蛋正考慮要結婚呢。”

　　***二***

　　向肖伯納求婚 Marriage Proposal to Bernard Shaw

　　Once a beautiful and dissolute British actress wrote to propose marriage to Bernard Shaw. Shesaid she did not mind Bernard Shaw’s old age and ugliness because he was a genius. And ifthey could combine the beauty of the woman with the talents of the great man，that would begreatly harmonious. “With your wisdom and my appearance，our children must be perfect.”

　　英國有位美貌風流的女演員，曾寫信向肖伯納求婚。她說，因為他是個天才，她不嫌肖伯納年邁醜陋。假如能使女郎的美貌和超人的天才結合，那該是多麼協調啊。“咱們的後代有你的智慧和我的美貌，那一定是十全十美了。”

　　Bernard Shaw answered，in a letter，that her imagination was splendid，“But，what if thechildren take my appearance and your wisdom?”

　　肖伯納給她回了一封信說，她的想象很是美妙，“可是，假如生下的孩子外貌象我，而智慧又象你，那又該怎麼辦呢?”