爆笑的英語笑話小故事

　　做事情要靈活,不能死搬教條,不然就會鬧出“鄭人買履”那樣的笑話。本文是，希望對大家有幫助!

　　：Hello Mother, Hello Father

　　A child custody case was held in court. The judge felt that the mother and father were both fit to be parents and therefore couldn't decide who he should grant full custody to.

　　So he asks the little boy, "Would you like to live with your mother?"

　　"No." said the boy.

　　"Why not?" said the judge.

　　"Because she beats me."

　　The judge says "Okay, then you'll go live with your father."

　　"Oh no," cried the boy, "he beats me too."

　　Dumbfounded, the judge asks "Okay who do you want to live with?"

　　"I want to live with the New York Knicks!"

　　"Why?" asks the judge.

　　"They never beat anybody."

　　：The boy and the snails

　　男孩和蝸牛

　　A farmer's boy went looking for snails, and, when he had picked up both his hands full, he set about making a fire at which to roast them; for he meant to eat them. When it got well alight and the snails began to feel the heat, they gradually withdrew more and more into their shells with the hissing noise they always make when they do so. When the boy heard it, he said, "You abandoned creatures, how can you find heart to whistle when your houses are burning?"

　　一個鄉下少年到處尋找蝸牛，當他雙手都塞滿了蝸牛後，就準備點火烤著吃。火點著了，蝸牛也開始感覺到熱了，他們紛紛退向堅殼的深處，同時還發出“噝噝”的噪音。男孩子聽到了蝸牛發出的噓聲，便說：“你們這些連命都快沒有的傢伙，怎麼還能有心情在窩裡著火時吹口哨呢?”

　　：Cat jokes

　　Q: What looks like half a cat?

　　A: The other half!

　　Q: What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater?

　　A: 'Claws.'

　　Q: If a four-legged animal is a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, What's a tiger?

　　A: A stri-ped!

　　Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a sheep?

　　A: A stripey sweater!

　　Q: How does a lion greet the other animals in the field?

　　A: 'Pleased to eat you.'!

　　Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?

　　A: Frostbite!

　　Q: What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt?

　　A: 'Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'

　　Q: What is lion's favorite food?

　　A: Baked beings!

　　：Mouse jokes

　　How do you save a drowning mouse?

　　Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!

　　Where do hamsters come from?

　　Hamsterdam!

　　What's a mouse's least favorite record?

　　What's up Pussycat!

　　Why do mice need oiling?

　　Because they squeak!

　　What do rodents say when they play bingo?

　　'Eyes down for a full mouse'!

　　What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?

　　'Here Kitty, kitty, kitty'!

　　What kind of musical instrument do mice play?

　　A mouse organ!

　　Why do mice have long tails?

　　Well, they'd look silly with long hair!

　　What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?

　　Hard cheese!

　　What is a mouse's favorite game?

　　Hide and squeak!

　　：Potty training

　　A young couple was expecting a visit from the pastor of their church.

　　They wanted everything to go smoothly, but their two year old son was just getting the hang of potty training.

　　He was at the stage where he would announce at the top of his voice, "I gotta pee," when he had to go to the bathroom.

　　His father, worried that this might be embarrassing when the minister came to call, instructed the child, "Don't shout that you've got to pee. Whisper!"

　　That evening the pastor makes his visit. He's there a very long time while the parents are in the kitchen preparing the meal. The two year old is leaning on one foot and the other.

　　Finally, the minister asks him, "What's the matter, son?"

　　The child looks at him and says, "I've gotta whisper!"

　　The pastor says, "It's all right, child. Whisper in my ear."