關於短篇簡單英語笑話

　　笑話是民族文化及社會生活中不可缺少的一環,從古至今都擁有廣大的受眾,深受人們喜愛。本文是，希望對大家有幫助!

　　：Baby bear wants to live somewhere else

　　The three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear weresplitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with.

　　So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents. When he asked baby bear about living with his father, baby bear said "No, I can't live with Papa bear, he beats me terribly."

　　"OK," said the judge, "then you want to live with your mother, right?"

　　"No way!" replied baby bear, "She beats me worse than Papa bear does."

　　The judge was a bit confused by this, and didn't quite know what to do. "Well, you have to live with someone, so is there any relatives you would like to stay with?" asked the judge.

　　"Yes," answered baby bear, "my aunt Bertha bear who lives in Chicago."

　　"You're sure she will treat you well and won't beat you?" asked the judge.

　　"Oh definitely," said baby bear, "the Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."

　　：The preacher buys a parrot

　　A preacher is buying a parrot.

　　"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.

　　"Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.

　　"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."

　　"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"

　　"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.

　　：Cow on train tracks

　　A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside."What's going on?" she yells out the window."Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.Within five minutes, however, it stops again.The woman sees the same conductor walk again.She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"

　　：Buy alligator shoes

　　A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes man, I'll go and kill my own "croc!," to which the shopkeeper replied, "by all means, just watch out for those two "ole boys" who are doing the same!".

　　So the man went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. 'They must be the 'ole boys' he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The guy stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer.

　　Just as the beast was about to swallow the him, he struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already laying Together the two guys threw the gator onto its back, where-upon one exclaimed "Darn! This one doesn't have any shoes either!".

　　：Two angry neighbors

　　Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog.

　　So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house.

　　Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler.

　　'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.