外國趣味幽默故事

　　在日常繁忙的生活，也不要忘記了放鬆自己。下面小編為大家帶來，希望大家喜歡!

　　：誰最臭

　　A grocer, a banker and a politician got lost in the forest. Eventually they came to a farmer's house and asked if he could put them up overnight.

　　一個雜貨商、一個銀行家和一個政客在森林裡迷了路。最後，他們來到一家農舍，詢問是否能在此住宿。

　　“Sure,”the farmer said, “but I've got room for only two of you in the house. The other will have to sleep in the barn with the animals, and the smell is very bad out there.”

　　“沒問題，”農戶說，“可是我的房子裡只能安排得下兩個人，另外一個得到牲口棚跟牲口睡在一起，那裡的氣味很難聞。”

　　"I'll sleep in the barn,” the banker volunteered.

　　“我去牲口棚睡。”銀行家自告奮勇。

　　Half an hour later a knock was heard on the farmer's houses door, and there stood the banker, gasping," I can't take the smell.”

　　半個小時以後，他們聽到有人敲門，銀行家站在門口，喘著粗氣:“那種氣味我真的受不了。”

　　"All right,” said the grocer. "I' 11 sleep in the barn. "And off he went.

　　“好吧，”雜貨商說:“我去牲口棚睡，”轉身他就走了。

　　In a while there was another knock on the door. "I've put up with some rank odors from spoiled food,” the grocer complained," but that barn tops them all.”

　　不久，又響起了敲門的聲音。“就連變質的食物惡臭我都能忍受，”他說，“但是，牲口棚的氣味r以十麼都難聞。”

　　"You two sissies,” said the politician" I'11 sleep in the barn.”

　　“你們兩個真的沒用,”政客說,“我去那兒睡。”

　　Thirty minutes later came another knock. When they opened the door There stood all the animals from the barn.

　　半個小時以後，又響起了敲門聲。他們開啟門，看到牲口棚的所有牲口都站在門口。

　　：自己來

　　An old friend from abroad, whom I was expecting to stay with me, telephoned from the airport to tell me that he had arrived. I was still at the office at the time, but I had made arrangements for his arrival. After explaining where my new flat was, I told him that I had left the key under the room一mat. As I was likely to be home rather late, I advised him to go into the kitchen and help himself to food and drink.

　　一位國外來的老朋友從飛機場打電話，告訴我他已經到達，我一直期盼著與他相聚。那時，我仍在辦公室裡，不過對於他的到來我已做好了安排。說清我的新公寓的位置後，我告訴他把鑰匙放在擦腳的墊子下面。由於我可能很晚才能回家，我建議他到廚房自己弄點吃喝的東西。

　　Two hours later my friend telephoned me from the flat. At the moment, he was listening to some of my records after having just had a truly wonderful meal. He had found a pan on the gas stove and fried two eggs and had helped himself to some cold chicken from the refrigerator. Now, he said, he was drinking a glass of orange juice and he hoped I would join him. When I asked him if he had reached the flat without difficulty, he answered that be had not been able to find the key under the room-mat , but fortunately the living-room window just by the apple tree had been left open and he had climbed in. I listened to all this in astonishment. There is no apple tree in front of my living-room, but there is one in front of my neighbor’s!

　　兩個小時後朋友從公寓打電話給我。他說，美餐了一頓以後，他現在正在聽我的一些磁帶。在煤氣爐上，他找到了一個平底煎鍋，煎了兩個雞蛋，並吃了冰箱裡的凍雞肉。他說他現在正在喝著一杯橘子汁並希望我能跟他一起享受。當我問他是否很順利地進人我的公寓時，他回答說，他並沒有在擦鞋的墊子下面找到鑰匙，但幸運的是，蘋果樹旁邊的那扇起居室的窗戶正好開著，他就爬了進去。一番話聽得我目瞪口呆。我的起居室前根本就沒有蘋果樹，而鄰居家前面到是有一顆!

　　：酒吧間裡的賭博

　　There was this guy who went into a bar. He went up to the bartender and said,“Bartender, are you a betting man?” The bartender replied, "Certainly! I'm ALWAYS a betting man!” To which the man said, "I'11 bet you $50 that I can lick my right eye.” The bartender thought about this a while and finally agreed to the bet. The man reached up and pulled out his glass right eye and licked it. The bartender groaned and begrudgingly gave the man his $50 telling him to leave his bar.

　　一個男子進了酒吧間，他走到酒吧男招待面前說道“嘿，男招待，你是個愛打賭的人嗎?”男招待回答“沒錯，我永遠都是個賭徒!”那個人又說:“我和你賭50美元，我可以舔到自己的右眼。”男招待想了想最後同意打這個賭。那個男子摘下了他那隻玻璃做的右眼，然後舔了一下。男招待哀嘆一聲，極不情願地付給那人50美元，然後讓他離開了酒吧間。

　　A week or so later, the same man appeared in the bar. He went up to the bar- tender and said, "Bartender, are you still a betting man?" The bartender replied, "Certainly! I told you I' m ALWAYS a betting man!” To which the man said, "I'll bet you $100 that I can bite my left eye.” Well, the bartender thought he had him on this one! There was no way that he had TWO glass eyes so the bartender agreed. The man reached up to his mouth, pulled out his dentures and clicked them on his left eye. The bartender moaned and paid the man his $100 telling him to get out of his bar.

　　大約一週後，那個男人再次來到酒吧間，又問那個男招待:“夥計，你是個愛打賭的人嗎?”男招待回答:“是的，我告訴過你的，我永遠是個賭徒!”男人接著說:“這次我出100美元，賭我能咬到自己的左眼。”男招待想了想。他認為那個人的兩隻眼睛不可能都是玻璃的，於是他同意和那個人打這個賭。只見那人把手放進嘴裡，然後掏出一幅假牙，用假牙碰了一下自己的左眼。男招待一邊抱怨著一邊掏出100美元交給了那個人，並把他轟出了酒吧。

　　A week or so later, the same man ventured into the bar again. He went up to the bartender and said，"Bartender, are you still a betting man? "The bartender said, although with a little caution this time, "Certainly! I told you I’m ALWAYS a betting man!” To which the man said, "Give me a shot of whiskey.” The bartender poured the man a shot and he drank it down. Slamming the glass on the bar he said, "I’11 bet you $500 that you can spin me around on this bar stool and I can piss in that glass right where it lays and not miss a drop.”Well，the bartender' s eyes lit up. Here was one time that he was certain that he would win!" Agreed! ” he cried. Coming out from around the bar, he grabbed onto the man's bar stool and spun it as hard as he could.

　　一個多星期後，那個人第三次來到酒吧間，他走到男招待跟前說:“男招待，你還是不是個賭徒了?”這一次男招待顯得有些猶豫，但他還是答道:“千真萬確!我告訴過你，我永遠是個賭徒。”那個男人說:“給我一杯威士忌。”男招待給他倒了一杯，那人一飲而盡。然後砰地一聲把酒杯放到桌上，說道:“我坐在這個凳子上，你用力推椅子讓我旋轉起來，然後我往酒杯裡撒尿，並保證決不會濺到外面。如果我輸了，我給你500美元。”“行!”，男招待頓時眼睛一亮，他認為這次自己贏定了。於是喊道“同意!”。他從吧檯後面走出來，用手抓住那個人坐的椅子，然後使出渾身的力量使勁一推。

　　Well，the man just let loose and piss flew everyplace! Not so much as one drop even came close to the glass and the bartender was soaked. When he was done，the bartender was laughing and laughing and holding out his hand. The man pulled out his wallet and gave him his $500. But the bar- tender was puzzled and as he was wiping off his face, he asked the man, "Why did you bet me $500 that you could piss in that shot glass on the bar when you had to have known there wasn’t any possible way to do it?”

　　那個人把尿濺的哪都是。因為男招待離的太近，所以全身都被澆溼了。等那人的椅子停下之後，男招待仰天大笑，一邊笑一邊伸出手。那個人拿出錢包從裡面掏出500美元交給了男招待。然而男招待卻感到迷惑不解，他一邊用手絹擦著臉一邊問:“明明知道那是不可能的事情你為什麼還要賭500美元呢?”

　　The man just smiled and told him, "You may have won $500 off me but I bet that

　　guy over in the corner $10 , 000 that I could piss all over you and your bar and you would just laugh”

　　那個人笑了笑說:“你是贏了500美元，但是我和那邊那個人打了10000美元的賭，我說當我尿你一身的時候你不但不會生氣，反而還會衝著我大笑。”