關於簡短易懂的英語笑話

　　-冷笑話是一種新興的語言現象,也是一種出現在我們身邊的不可忽視的新的語言現象。冷笑話不同於一般笑話,它以其獨特的制笑機制,能瞬間創造出一種特殊的氛圍。小編整理了，歡迎閱讀!

　　：Old Man At Confession

　　A priest is sitting in his confessional and hears an old man's voice on the other side of the screen. The old man says, "Father, I'm eighty-one years old, I've been married to the same woman for fifty-four years, and have always been faithful. But yesterday, I made wild, passionate love with a pair of lovely eighteen-year-old twin sisters."

　　The priest asks, "When was the last time you went to confession?"

　　The old man replies, "Never ... I'm Jewish."

　　The priest is puzzled. "Then why did you come here today to tell me this?"

　　The old man says, "Oh ... heck ... I'm telling everybody!!!"

　　：Vengence is Mine

　　Widow Invites Four Nice Young Men To Dinner

　　There was an elderly southern widow who lived in a large mansion. She was feeling generous when it came to Thanksgiving, so she called up the local

　　military base, and asked to speak with the lieutenant.

　　"Please send up four nice young men to eat dinner here on Thanksgiving, but please, don't send any Jews. Please, no Jews."

　　The lieutenant replied, "No problem ma'am, and I am sure I speak for the army when I say we all appreciate your kindness."

　　Well, Thanksgiving rolled around, and the widow went to answer the door when it rang. She was surprised to see four of the darkest skinned men boys that anyone had ever seen, especially in the South.

　　"But... But... There must be some mistake," she stammered.

　　One of them replied, "No ma'am, Lieutenant Goldstein doesn't make mistakes."

　　：Family Vibrator

　　A 60 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old daughter playing with her vibrator. "What are you doing?", asked the mom. "Mom, I am 40 years old and look at me. I am ugly. I will never getmarried so this is pretty much my husband." The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head.

　　The next day the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and upon entering the room found his daughter using the vibrator. "What the hell are you doing?", he asked. His daughter replied, "I already told mom. I am 40 years old now and ugly. I will never get married so this is as close as I'll ever get to a husband." The father walked out of the room shaking his head too.

　　The next day the mother came home to find her husband with a beer in one hand, and the vibrator in the other hand, watching the football game. "For Chrissakes, what are you doing?" she cried. The husband replied "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a beer and watching the game with my new son-in-law!"

　　：The Psychic Hotline

　　A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

　　The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

　　"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."

　　： Bank Robbery

　　Two blondes, Trisha and Robin decided to rob a bank together.

　　The first blonde, Trisha plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Robin, in great detail.

　　The robbery begins. Trisha drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Robin, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan.

　　You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"

　　"Perfectly," said Robin.

　　Robin goes in the bank while Trisha waits in the getaway car.

　　One minute passes . . .

　　Two minutes pass . . .

　　Seven minutes pass . . . and Trisha is really stressing out.

　　Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Robin. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time she gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon. As the gals are getting away, Trisha says "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!"

　　Robin said, "I did . . . I did exactly what you said!"

　　"No, you idiot," said Trish. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"