爆笑的好笑的英語笑話帶翻譯

　　笑話是民族文化及社會生活中不可缺少的一環,從古至今都擁有廣大的受眾,深受人們喜愛。小編分享，希望可以幫助大家!

　　：Unbearable 受不了了

　　A traveler came to a small Middle Western town. He decided to stay for a few days.

　　When he was about to write his name on the hotel register, he saw a bedbug crawling across the page.

　　"It is really unbearable," he said, flinging down the pen. "I've been bitten by fleas in Missouri, mosquitos in Jersey, horse flies in Kansas-but this is the first place I was ever in where abug looked over the hotel register to find out the number of my room. Why, where on earth I should go!"

　　有個旅行家來到中西部的一個小市鎮。他決定留下待幾天。

　　當他正要在旅店的登記薄上簽名時，看到有個臭蟲從單子上爬過去。

　　他就扔下手中的筆說：“真受不了了，我在密蘇里被跳蚤咬過，在西澤被蚊子咬過，在堪薩斯被馬蠅咬過—而在這裡會有一個臭蟲到登記臺來找我的房間號碼，我還是第一次遇到呢。

　　：A Car Thief 盜車賊

　　A man has a long history of stealing cars. When he did it again, he was caught by the police.

　　The prosecutor asked him, "Now tell the court how you came to take that car." To defend himself, the man said, "The car was parked by a cemetery. I thought the owner was dead, and then I took it."

　　有個人有長期偷車的經歷。當他又一次偷車時，被警察抓住了。檢控官對他說：“現在要告訴法庭你是怎樣偷走這部車的。”

　　檢察官問他，“現在據實交代你為何要偷這輛車。”這個人為自己辯解說：“這部車是停在一個墓地旁的。我以為車主已經死了，就把它開走了。”

　　：Simple Calculation 簡單估算費

　　A housewife didn't know how to estimate the cost of living, so she asked her husband about it。 Her husband said, "It's very simple. Take our income and add 30 per cent." 有個家庭主婦不知道怎樣估算他們的生活費用，就去問她的丈夫。 她的丈夫說：“很簡單。就是把我們的收入另外加30%”

　　：Each Man Has His Merits 各有所長

　　A foreigner applied for citizenship paper in New York. The judge asked him, "Do you want to be made a citizen of the United States?" The foreigner replied, "Yes, Mr. Judge."

　　Then the judge said, "I must examine you, do you know how many states are in the Union?" The foreigner answered, "Mr. Judge, I think I should talk to you that each man has his merits. You know your business so you know how many states are in the Union. I know my business, so I know how many bananas are in a bunch."

　　有個外國人在紐約申請美國公民身份的證件。法官為他：“你想成為美國公民嗎?” 外國人回答說：“是的，法官先生。”

　　法官說：“那我要考考你。你知道美國有多少個州嗎?”外國人回答說：“法官先生，我想應該和你講一下，人是各有所長的，你懂你的業務，所以你知道美國有多少個州，我懂我的業務，所以我知道一串香蕉有多少隻。”

　　：Giving Degrees 授予學位

　　Woodrow Wilson disapproved very strongly of indiscriminate***無差別的*** giving of honorary degrees when he was president of Princeton University.

　　He said, "Our universities have learned recently to give honorary degrees carefully. But in the past it was very promiscuous***混雜的***. I had met a n uncouth***笨拙的*** person who had three degrees, but then he spoke and behaved very rudely."

　　I asked an acquaintance why it was. He said, "Well, the third was given because he had had two. He was given the second because he had had one, and he was given the first because he had gone."

　　伍德羅·威爾遜當普凌斯頓大學的校長時，強烈反對隨便給人授予榮譽學位。

　　他說：“我們的大學最近才懂得授予授予榮譽學位要慎重，以前卻是很隨便的。我曾遇見一個很粗魯的人，他有三個這樣的學位，可是他的言談舉止很不文明。”

　　我問一個熟人為什麼這個人能得到三個榮譽學位，他說：“授予他第三個學位是因為他已有了兩個，給他第二個是因為他已有了一個，而給他第一個則是因為他沒有學位。”