和動物有關的英語笑話

　　英語笑話,幽默故事,如選擇合理,運用得當,可以成為英語教師有力的教學工具和完美的附加教材,起到輔助教學的良好作用。小編精心收集了，供大家欣賞學習!

　　：Playing Octopus

　　This guy walks into a bar near a concert hall with an octopus under his arm and says, "I'll bet any of you that my octopus can play any instrument that you give him."

　　Two guys bet fifty dollars each that the octopus can't play their instruments.

　　The first guy hands over his French horn and the octopus starts to play it.

　　The second guy hands over his tuba and sure enough the octopus starts to play it.

　　The bartender then walks into the back room and comes back five minutes later with a set ofbagpipes and bets all the money in the drawer that the octopus wouldn't be able to play it. He hands over the bagpipes to the octopus and waits.

　　After about a minute of watching the octopus run its tentacles over the bagpipe the owner of the octopus says, "Come on now! Play it!"

　　The octopus replies, "What do you mean play it?! If I can figure out how to get the plaidpajamas off of it, I'm gonna screw it!"

　　：Goldfish Passing

　　Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"

　　"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

　　The neighbor was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

　　Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your fricking cat."

　　：The Ant Hill

　　Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, hedecided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot.

　　So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.

　　Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, "Whoa! What are we going to do?"

　　Said the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."

　　：Blind Bunny

　　One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose. "Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see."

　　"That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"

　　Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out."

　　So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, "Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose... You must be a bunny rabbit!"

　　Then he said, "I can't thank you enough, but by the way, what kind of animal are you?"

　　And the snake replied that he didn't know, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when he was finished, the snake said, "Well, what kind of an animal am I?"

　　So the bunny felt the snake all over, and he replied, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy and you haven't got any balls... You must be a lawyer."

　　：The Baby Stork

　　Two storks are sitting in their nest - a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying so the father stork is trying to calm him.

　　"Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy."

　　The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, and the baby stork is crying again. The mother says,

　　"Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies."

　　A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate because their son has been absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he's been all night.

　　The baby stork says, "Nowhere. Just scaring the hell out of college students!"