精選英語笑話

　　下面是小編整理的，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　一：I want a nightmare 想做壞夢

　　Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam."

　　"Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied.

　　"Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.

　　在期末考試之前，湯姆告訴他的母親：“媽媽，我昨天晚上做了一個夢，夢見我通過了今天的考試。”

　　“不要相信夢，親愛的。據說夢中的經歷通常與現實相反。”媽媽答道。

　　“那麼，我真希望在今晚的夢中，我的其他功課都不及格。”湯姆說。

　　二：Big hands 大手

　　Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?

　　Student: Big hands.

　　老師：如果我左手上有7個桔子，右手上有8個桔子。那麼我有什麼?

　　學生：大手。

　　三：The teacher cried 老師哭了

　　The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on***溺愛，寵愛*** him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum***亂髮脾氣*** . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.

　　When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? Did you cry?"

　　"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"

　　六歲的約翰嬌生慣養。他的父親知道這一點，可他的祖父母仍然寵著他。這孩子幾乎寸步不離他的祖母。他想要什麼不是哭，就是鬧。

　　他第一天上學才離開祖母的懷抱。約翰放學了，他奶奶在門口接他並問道：“學校怎麼樣?你過的好嗎?哭了沒有?”

　　“哭?”約翰問，“不，我沒哭，可老師哭了。”

　　四：我丈夫剛進來

　　The couple seated in restaurant seemed to be having a wonderful time. But as the woman glanced away from the table，their waiter suddenly rushed over.

　　在飯館裡坐著一對夫婦，他們看上去非常高興。但是當那女子向旁邊瞥了一眼時，服務員馬上跑了過來。

　　“Madam look,”he said.“Your husband just slid under the table.”

　　“夫人，您瞧,” 他說,“您丈夫滑到桌子底下去了。”

　　“No,he didn't,”she replied.“My husband just came in the door.”

　　“不，他沒有,” 她回答,“我丈夫剛從門外進來。”

　　五：有兩條褲子

　　A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible,” she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”

　　丈夫下班回到家裡，發現自己的新娘心緒煩亂。“我心裡太難受了，”她說。“我在給你熨西裝時把褲子的臀部燒了個大洞。”

　　“Forget it ,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”

　　“沒事兒，”丈夫安慰她說。“你忘了我這套衣服有兩條褲子。”

　　“Yes,” said the woman, cheering up. "And it’s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.”

　　“是的，”妻子高興地說，“幸虧你還有一條，我後來就用它來補了這個洞了。”

　　六：死於肝癌的人100%都吃飯

　　 see.According to te statistics on the paper 80% of

　　those who have died of liver cancer have drunk alcoho.

　　妻子：你瞧，根據這報上登的統計數字，那些死於肝癌的人有80%都喝酒。

　　 okey. To my investigation, all Thespeopleeat　meals.

　　丈夫：那就不錯了。據我調查，所有這些人都吃飯呢。