這是之前國外比較火的一篇由一個居住在瑞士的加拿大人寫的吐槽文，甚至網上後來還衍生了一個詞“Mother Fucking Swiss”麻痺瑞。。瑞士人奇葩一般的存在著。。
“I have an acronym for situations like this - Mother Fucking Swiss. I love/hate these people.
我對瑞士人有一個縮寫——麻痺瑞。我心裡同時喜歡/討厭這些人。。
You park a bit crooked, but still inside the lines, and the neighbors call the police? MFS
你停車停得有點歪——但還是在線裡，然後下一秒，鄰居就叫來了警察！麻痺瑞。
You're training for a triathlon, cycling top speed, and get passed by a man in a suit on a mountain bike? MFS
你在訓練三項全能，騎車到最高速的時候，旁邊一個穿著西裝去上班的男人騎著自行車輕鬆超過你。麻痺瑞。
A (rare) homeless man hits you up for change, and it turns out that he speaks 5 languages? MFS
一個流浪漢（極其罕見）向你討要零錢，然後你發現他會五國語言。麻痺瑞。
You're meeting friends in a strange town and your phone dies, so you ask in bars and hotels whether you can use theirs, and every single person looks at you like an alien; they can't even comprehend the level of disorganization that would result in an unexpectedly dead phone, and all refuse you help, thinking it must be some kind of trick? MFS
你和你朋友約在一個陌生的地方見面，但是你的手機沒電了，如果你進去某個酒吧或者酒店裡問他們是否能讓你打個電話，他們會用看外星人的眼光看著你——他們無法想象一個人生活居然可以這麼沒有計劃，連手機沒電這種事情都沒預先計劃好。然後就拒絕借用電話。麻痺瑞。
You're applying for an apartment with a garden, and ask if you can plant in it too. You know, some tomatoes, a pumpkin, whatever. The Corbusier-looking mother ****er sucks his teeth and then finally says "perhaps... if you can prove geometrically that these plants would be elegant additions to the overall theme of the space." MMMFFFFSSSS
你租個一個帶花園的房子，問你的房東是否可以在後院裡種些南瓜，西紅柿什麼的，她會說。。可以吧，如果你能證明這些東西長成後不會破壞總體的空間和外觀和諧度。麻麻麻麻痺瑞。
Climbing a terrifying ridge and get passed by a heavily pregnant woman, annoyed at your slowness. MFS
攀登的時候被一個挺著大肚子的孕婦超過，臉上還帶著一副對你慢動作的鄙視和厭煩。麻痺瑞。
Fire needs to be lit / shed needs to be built / any physical task needs to be done properly? "Ask the Canadian". MFS
火得是點亮的，棚子得是搭好的，所有事情要按規律按秩序做好。麻痺瑞。
The bar closes at 12:00. At 11:55 the bartender announces last call, at 11:59:59 the last patron leaves the door, and at 12:00:01 the police appear. MFS
酒吧12點關門，11點55分的時候酒吧會提醒說最後一次點酒，11點59分59秒的時候最後一個顧客離開，12點01分的時候如果還不關門警察就出現。麻痺瑞。
You hike up to a high alpine cabin. The other (swiss) climbers, in perfect unison, and without talking about it, sit down to eat, consume their bread, soup, and cheese in the same order, start their ovomaltine together, finish at the same time, go in shifts to brush their teeth, and, in total synchronicity hit the sack at precisely 10:00. The next day, without alarms, every person steps out of bed at 6:00, eats breakfast, and is gone by 7:00. You hang out until noon to soak up the incredible scenery and the sole staff member subtly mocks your hiking plans with his eyebrow and tone. "Ze col de la Forcla in zose boots!?"
你和其他瑞士人一起去騎行，他們在度假屋休息吃飯的時候，很有默契的完全一句話沒說就各自坐好，然後點了一樣的麵包，湯還有芝士。然後一起同時吃完，輪流有序去刷牙，10點準時上床睡覺。第二天全部6點準時起床，吃早餐，然後7點全走了。你睡過頭了一直睡到中午，度假屋工作人員還會用眉毛和語調嘲笑你的騎行計劃。麻痺瑞。
You: We should get moving if we're going to catch that train. MFS: What? Why? The train leaves in 13 minutes and it's only a 7 minute walk, or 9.5 if you stop to buy cigarettes.
你：我們要快點走了，不然趕不及火車。
麻痺瑞：為啥？火車13分鐘後才會開，我們走路7分鐘就到了，即使你停下買包香菸，那也才9分半鐘。
Hey, can I talk to you about a trip to Canada in January? You: Ok, it's a bit early for flights and stuff but it pays to think in advance I suppose... wait.... January of what year? MFS: 2015.
麻痺瑞：我可以和你談談一月的時候去加拿大旅遊的事嗎？
你： 現在訂機票還有點早，不過早點付款也不錯的。。等等——是哪年的一月？
麻痺瑞：2015年
（文章發表於兩年前）
Swiss boss: Let's meet at the hotel in Munich (300 km away) at 8:25 pm. And we did.
麻痺瑞老闆：我們早上8點25分在德國慕尼黑（距離300公里）的酒店碰面吧。然後真的準時到達。
You buy some "lard" (smoked bacon, meant to be eaten uncooked) at the farmer's market. It's good raw, but you want to try it fried. Your co-worker smells it from his office, suspects what you're up to, and bursts into the kitchen yelling "You cannot DO zis!" MFS
你在農產品市場裡買了一些燻肉，可以生吃的，但你想試試炒一下。你的同事聞到了氣味然後報警，警察衝進你的廚房制止你：你不能這麼做！！麻痺瑞。
The used bike is 485 francs. I offer 400. Long stare. "My price, I think, reflects the actual quality of the frame, components, and labor." MFS
二手車價格485法郎，你還價400。麻痺瑞：“我的這個價格，我覺得，體現了車的材料，設計工藝和勞力價格，所以是合理的”。麻痺瑞。
I'm from Canada, have you been? "Oh, on a small trip, I spent one month by bicycle in Quebec, and then bought a motorhome and drove to vancouver - what a long drive! I loved the open prairies - and then sold the motorhome and spent the next weeks skiing. Whistler was nice but I prefer Chamonix for the après ski culture. Tell me, is the climbing in Squamish as good as they say? And how do you compare Big White with Whistler? And do you prefer New York, Montreal, or San Francisco? I found things to love about each place." I... I, uh, I've never been to any of those places. MFS
“我來自加拿大，你去過加拿大了嗎？”
麻痺瑞：“額。。只去過一小段時間呢。我用了一個月在魁北克省（加拿大地點，下同）騎行，然後買了個房車開著去溫哥華，開了很久！我喜歡沿途的草原。然後我賣了房車，花了一個星期去滑雪。惠斯勒是不錯但我還是更喜歡霞慕尼的滑雪文化。對了，在斯闊米什登山真的像他們說的那麼好玩嗎？大白山滑雪度假村和惠斯勒比哪個更好？那你喜歡紐約，蒙特利爾，還是舊金山？每個地方我都有喜歡之處。”
“。。我沒有去過這些地方”。
麻痺瑞。
People on the train begin to grumble and get exasperated. I look at my watch: we're 3 minutes late. MFS
由於火車延誤，火車上的人開始抱怨甚至惱怒，看了下表，遲到了3分鐘。麻痺瑞
Me: Sprechen sie Englisch? MFS: Yes, a little bit.
“你會說英文嗎”
麻痺瑞：“只會說一點”——其實擁有狄更斯的語法和莎士比亞的詞彙。
麻痺瑞。