有關英語的笑話

　　笑話是實際生活中客觀存在的，作為文學式樣，它的特徵是戲謔、諷刺，其功能是啟迪、警示。它淵源流長、值得研究、探討。下面是小編帶來的，歡迎閱讀!

　　篇一

　　A better dishwasher 一臺更好的洗碗機

　　Mrs Williams lived in a small street in London, and now she had a new neighbour.

　　Her name was Mrs Briggs, and she talked a lot about her expensive furniture, her beautiful carpets and her new kitchen.

　　"Do you know," she said to Mrs Williams one day, "I've got a new dishwasher1. It washes the plates and glasses and knives and forks beautifully."

　　"Oh? " Mrs Williams answered." And does it dry them and put them in the cupboard, too ?"

　　Mrs Briggs was surprised. "Well," she answered, "the things in the machine are dry after an hour, but it doesn't put them away, of course."

　　"I've had a dishwasher for twelve and a half years," Mrs Williams said.

　　"Oh?" Mrs Briggs answered, "And does yours put the things in the cupboard when it has washed them?"

　　She laughed nastily2. "Yes, he does," Mrs Williams answered."He dries the dishes and puts them away."

　　威廉姆斯太太住在倫敦的的一條小街上，現在她有了一位新鄰居。

　　這鄰居叫布里格斯太太，她對她的高檔傢俱，漂亮地毯和新廚房談論很多。

　　“你知道嗎?” 有一天她對威廉姆斯太太說道：“我有一臺新洗碗機。它洗盤子、杯子和刀叉洗得非常好。”

　　“哦?”威廉姆斯太太回答說，“它能弄乾盤子、杯子和刀叉嗎?還可以把它們放進碗櫃嗎?”

　　布里格斯太太很吃驚。“ 嗯，”她回答說，“洗碗機裡的盤子、杯子和刀叉一小時後就幹了，但當然囉，洗碗機不能把它們收起來。”

　　威廉姆斯太太說：“我有一臺洗碗機已經12年半了。”

　　“哦?”布里格斯太太回答說，“你的洗碗機在洗完盤子、杯子和刀叉後能把它們放進碗櫃嗎?”她不懷好意地大笑起來。

　　“是的，他可以。”威廉姆斯太太回答說，“他把碗盤刀叉弄乾後就把它們收起來。”

　　篇二

　　My God 我的上帝啊

　　A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector.

　　Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up："You've been on for five miles -- that'll be 50 pennies, please, and 10 pennies for your suitcase."

　　The Scotsman responds："I haven't, I want to have a penny fare, just got on this very moment." They begin to argue, and the ticket collector become more and more enraged1 and finally, as the bus is passing over London bridge, he grabs2 the Scotsman's suitcase, and hurls3 it out of the bus.

　　It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, "My God!Not only are you treat to overcharge me for the ticket—but now you're gone a drowned my boy Jenny."

　　一個蘇格蘭人提著一隻大箱子，坐上了一輛開往倫敦的汽車。上車後，在汽車行駛了5英里的這段路上，他一直在試圖躲開售票員。

　　售票員最終還是找到了他，並叫他補票:“你已經坐了5英里了，請付50便士，你的箱子還要付10便士。”

　　蘇格蘭人答道：“我是不會付那麼多錢的。我只付1便士，因為我剛剛上車。”最後，他們爭吵起來。售票員越吵越生氣，終於在車子行駛到倫敦大橋上時，抓起蘇格蘭人的箱子，用力扔出了車外。

　　箱子掉進河裡，沉了下去。蘇格蘭人驚呆了，怔怔地站在那裡，片刻之後對售票員說：“我的上帝啊!你不僅向我多收票錢，現在還淹死了我的兒子強尼。”

　　篇三

　　Where Am I 我這是在哪兒

　　Nat lived in a small town in England. He always stayed in England for his holidays, but then last year he thought1, "I've never been outside this country. All my friends go to Spain3, and they like it very much, so this year I'm going4 to go there too."

　　First he went to Madrid and stayed in a small hotel for a few5 days. On the first morning he went out for a walk. In England people drive on the left, but in Spain they drive on the right. Natforgot6 about this, and while7 he was8 crossing a busy street, a bicycle knocked9 him down.

　　Nat lay10 on the ground11 for a few seconds and then he sat12 up and said13: "Where am I?" An old man was selling maps at the side2 of the street, and he at oncecame14 to Nat and said, "Map of the city, sir?"

　　蘭特住在英格蘭的一座小鎮上。他的假日一直都是在這裡度過的，可是去年，他想：“我從來都沒有出過國。我的朋友們都很喜歡去日本度假，今年我也準備去那裡。”

　　他先是去了馬德里，並在一家小旅館住了幾天。來到這裡的第一天，他一早起來去散步。在英國，人們都是靠左行駛，但是西班牙人都是靠右行駛。蘭特忘記了這點，於是在他穿過一條繁雜的街道時，不幸被一輛自行車撞倒了。

　　蘭特在地上躺了幾秒鐘，隨後坐起來問道：“我這是在哪兒?”這時，路邊正好有一位老人在賣地圖，於是他立即走上前去，對蘭特說：“先生，買地圖嗎?

　　篇四

　　A dogss bad habit 狗的壞習慣

　　As a professional animal trainer, I was disturbed when my own dog developed a bad habit. Every time I hung my wash out on the clothesline, she would yank it down. Drastic1 action was called for.

　　I put a white kitchen towel on the line and waited. Each time she pulled it off, I scolded her. After two weeks the towel was untouched. Then I hung out a large wash and left to do someerrands2. When I came home, my clean clothes were scattered3 all over the yard. On the line was the white kitchen towel.

　　作為一名專業的馴獸師，我對自己的狗養成的一個壞習慣感到很苦惱。每當我把洗好的衣服搭在晾衣繩上時，它總會猛地把衣物全扯下來。對此，我必須要採取嚴厲的措施。

　　我在繩上搭了一條白色的廚房毛巾，每當它把毛巾扯下來時，我就會訓斥它一頓。兩個星期後，它再也不碰毛巾了。於是，我把許多洗乾淨的衣服搭在晾衣繩上後，就出去辦事了。等我回到家時，洗好的衣服分散在院子的各個角落，只有那條白毛巾依然搭在繩子上。

　　篇五

　　Save Money 省錢

　　Henry was from the United1 States and he had come to London for a holiday.

　　One day he was not feeling well, so he went to the clerk at the desk of his hotel and said, "I want to see doctor. Can you give me the name of a good one?"

　　The clerk looked in a book and then said, "Dr2. Kenneth Grey, 61010."

　　Henry said, "Thank yon very much. Is he expensive?"

　　"Well," the clerk answered, "he always charges his patients two pounds for their first visit to him, and one pound and 50 pennies3 for later visits."

　　Henry decided4 to save 50 pennies, so when he went to see the doctor, he said, "I've come again, doctor."

　　For a few seconds the doctor looked at his face carefully without saying anything. Then he nodded and said, "Oh, yes." He examined him and then said, "Everything's going as it should do. Just continue with the medicine I gave you last time."

　　美國人亨利來到倫敦度假。

　　有一天，他感覺不舒服，便來到旅館服務檯向服務員諮詢：“我想看病，你能幫我找一位好醫生嗎?”

　　服務員翻閱了一下本子，然後說：“肯尼思·格雷醫生，61010。”

　　亨利說：“非常感謝，他看病收費貴嗎?”

　　“喔，”服務員回答說，“初診患者收費2英鎊，複診收費1.5英鎊。”

　　亨利琢磨著能省下50便士，於是，他去看病時對醫生說：“我又來了，醫生。”

　　醫生一言不發地端詳著他的面容，過了一會兒點點頭說道：“哦，對。”醫生給亨利做完檢查後說：“病情得到了控制，繼續吃上次我給你的藥就可以了。”