笑到讓人無法忘記的英語笑話

　　笑話是文化的重要組成部分,通過笑話,我們可以瞭解一個國家的文化內涵。下面是小編帶來的，歡迎閱讀!

　　篇一

　　Tightwad 吝嗇鬼

　　Joe Schmidt, although very wealthy, was a tightwad.

　　One day he and his wife wanted to take a spin in an airplane over the city of New York.

　　The pilot said it would be 10 dollars a piece for a thirty-minute flight. "How about 10 dollars for both of us?" the stingy millionaire asked, "No way!" replied the pilot firmly. Schmidt pleaded earnestly with the pilot for quite a while. Since it was a slow day and there were not many customers, the pilot finally agreed. "Ok, I will take you and your wife for ten bucks1 on one condition: while in the air, you cannot make any noise. If I hear a peep out of you, that will cost you 20 dollars." Schmidt agreed reluctantly.

　　The plane took off without a hitch2. Purposely, the pilot made somersaults***筋斗*** and all kinds of tricks, just to scare the guy, when the plane finally landed, the pilot askedcredulously3: "I have got to hand it to you. I didn't know how you managed to be so quiet. " "It's wasn't easy," confessed the tightwad. "I almost hollered***叫喊，抱怨*** when my wife fell out."

　　喬·施密特雖然非常富有，卻是個不折不扣的吝嗇鬼。

　　一天，他和妻子打算乘飛機俯瞰全紐約。

　　飛行員每次飛行30分鐘，每人10美元。吝嗇鬼問道：“我們兩個人10美元怎麼樣?”“不行!”飛行員斬釘截鐵地回答道。施密特哀求了好一會兒。飛行員看當天生意不好，乘客也少，最終同意了他的請求。“好吧，你和你太太總共10美元，但條件是，在空中你們不能發出任何聲音，如果我聽見了你們當中有人出聲，那就得付20美元了。”施密特不情願的答應了。

　　飛機順利起飛了，飛機駕駛員在空中翻跟斗，做出各種花樣故意嚇唬施密特。飛機著陸後，飛行員不解地問道，：“你真是太厲害了，你怎麼能一直保持安靜呢?”“其實要做到這點真的很難，當我老婆掉下飛機時，我差點就喊出來了。”這個吝嗇鬼坦言道。

　　篇二

　　He mead his own lunch 午飯是他自個做的

　　An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on the 30th floor of a building.

　　The Irishman opened his lunch box and said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."

　　The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed1, "burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

　　The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I'm jumping too."

　　Next day the Irishman opens his lunch b box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too, the blonde opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also.

　　At the funeral, the Irishman's wife is weeping, she says, "if I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!" the Mexican's wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. "Hey, don't look at me," She said. "He made his own lunch."

　　一個愛爾蘭人，一個墨西哥人和一個金髮男子在一棟樓房的第三十層施工。

　　愛爾蘭人開啟飯盒說：“鹹牛肉和捲心菜!下次午飯還吃鹹牛肉和捲心菜，我就從這樓上跳下去。”

　　墨西哥人開啟飯盒說：“又是玉米煎餅。下次如果還是玉米煎餅，我也跳下去。”

　　金髮人開啟飯盒說：“又是大臘腸。下次如果還是大臘腸三明治，我也跳下去。”

　　第二天，愛爾蘭人開啟盒飯看到鹹牛肉和捲心菜便跳樓死了。墨西哥人開啟飯盒看到玉米煎餅也跳了樓，金髮人開啟飯盒看到大臘腸也跳樓自殺了。

　　葬禮上，愛爾蘭人的妻子在哭泣，她說：“如果我知道他如此討厭鹹牛肉和捲心菜，我決不會再給他吃!”墨西哥人的妻子也在哭泣著說：“我會給他做玉米麵豆卷和春捲!我沒有發現他是這麼不喜歡吃玉米煎餅。”每個人都把目光轉向金髮男子的妻子並盯著她看。“嘿，別看我，午飯是他自個做的。”她說。

　　篇三

　　I didn't do it 我什麼也沒做

　　One day a man came home from work to find total chaos1 in the house. The kids were laying outside in the mud, still in their pajamas2.

　　When he opened the door, he found an even bigger mess: dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken glass under the table and a pile of sand by the back door. The family room was strewn with toys, and a lamp had been knocked over.

　　He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his wife. He was becoming worried that she might be ill or that something terrible had happened to her.

　　He found her in the bedroom still in bed with her pajamas on, reading a magazine.

　　She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day had gone.

　　He looked at her, bewildered3***困惑的***, and asked, "What happened here today?"

　　She again smiled and answered, "You know, every day, you come home from work and ask me what I did today."

　　"Yes," was his reply.

　　She answered, "Well, today, I didn't do it!"

　　一天，一個人下班回到家，發現屋子外面一片狼籍。孩子們還穿著睡衣，滿身是泥地躺在外面。

　　開啟房門，他發現屋子裡面更亂。櫥櫃上堆著盤子，地上散落著狗食，桌子下面有一隻打碎的玻璃杯，後門旁還有一堆沙子。家庭娛樂室裡堆滿了玩具，還有一盞燈翻倒在地上。

　　他邁過散落在樓梯上的玩具，上樓去找他的妻子。他開始擔心她生病了或是發生了什麼可怕的事情。

　　他發現她還穿著睡衣躺在床上，在看一本雜誌。

　　她抬頭看到他，笑著問他今天過得怎麼樣。

　　他看著她，困惑地問：“今天發生什麼事情了?”

　　她笑著問道：“你每天下班回家都會問我今天做什麼了。”

　　“沒錯啊，”他說。

　　她說：“是這樣的，今天，我沒做什麼!”